Am finding it real hard to sympathize with allosexual people who feel sorry for themselves because their partner is asexual.
Way to make it all about your feelings and needs. Nevermind the fact that your partner probably feels horrible and is blaming themself because you’re unhappy, has likely spent most of their life feeling broken and alone because of their asexuality, and might feel pressured into unwanted sex for your sake. Nice to know that my sexual orientation is such a hardship for you to deal with. </sarcasm>
If being with an asexual person makes you so miserable, end the relationship - not just for yourself, but also for your asexual partner, because they deserve better than that.
There’s something incredibly insulting about doing that to someone else; I’m allosexual (if I’m right in using that word— I believe it refers to everyone who isn’t part of the asexual spectrum?), and if I ever got into a relationship with an asexual or aromantic person and that aspect of them became something I saw myself as having to ‘put up with’, then I’d break up with them. Not because there’s anything wrong with them or anything, but because it’d be clear at that point that we’re looking for something different in the relationship and that we’re not gonna find it with each other.
I’ve never liked that idea, the concept of being in love with someone in spite of a core aspect of who they are. I know I hear that notion a lot when it comes to trans people, too; either when they’re told by someone well-meaning but stupid that someday they’ll find someone who can overlook that aspect of who they are, or when they’ve internalized the notion themselves that all they can hope for is someone who will be able to move past their transness.
I know that I’m not willing to settle for someone who can get over a basic part of what makes me myself, be that my sexuality or gender, and asexual people shouldn’t have to, either.
Exactly, thank you for this. No one’s blaming the non-asexual person for being the reason behind the failure of the relationship (although a LOT of people blame the asexual partner(s) on the grounds that “they don’t want sex enough” even though it’s just as much the fault of “wanting sex too much”; we’re the problem child here since sex is so commonly taught as expected and owed in a compulsorily sexual society).
The key to these relationships is seeing them as mismatched sexual needs, not a relationship with one problematic partner. “Compromise” is not only for the asexual partner(s). And it’s often presented as something we should just deal with and accept as necessary and expected in a relationship, and as “not a big deal.” We get told it’s not a big deal all the time, but you just watch and see what happens if you ever tell someone “Just go without sex, it’s no big deal.”
I’m so glad that so many non-asexual people are opening up to understanding the particular challenges of compromising with an asexual partner and are seemingly supportive of relationships that foster every partner’s needs, not just focus on spotlighting one partner’s needs as the only ones that matter in a relationship. Yes, compromise or break up, please (though that is easier said than done). There’s no shame in realizing you’re not compatible with someone if one of their must-haves is one of your dealbreakers, or vice versa.
I plan to cover stuff like this in a talk I’m probably going to give in April on asexual relationships. :)
when they say youre too old for disney
The hop, I can’t. I cackled.
BUT DID YOU NOTICE AURORA
the making of a peace potion(?) (what is…going on here…)
"you took away the stars of my night and the sun in my day." [trans]
#thesrtruggleisreal: trying to style and reach ravi’s hair;a novel by a stylist noona
Hyuk: I heard the guest today is K.Will. He always teases us on the radio or on MNET Begins so this time..
N: We have to tease him
Hyuk: I apologize in advance
N: Let’s make him do gwiyomi
Hyuk: Because he made me do it the last time.
(VIXX’s Eternity and Major Debut in Japan 140827)
People talk about how hard long distance relationships are but nobody talks about the struggle of long distance friendships. I would give my left leg right now to just be able to sit in our pjs and watch movies or to just be able to give a big fucking hug.